Planet Nowhere
by Jesse Shearer
Summary: A crossover series in which the crew of the LEXX visits the world of Courage the Cowardly Dog.


Warp Power Studios and Theaters Presents

A J. Michael Shearer Fanfic:

LEXX: The Warp Power Seasons

Presented in Animevision

Featured Exclusively at J. Michael Shearer's Theater

SEASON WP01: PLANET NOWHERE

WP01-01

"Dirt Farm"

The Command Area of the bioship LEXX was its usual boring self. Stanley H. Tweedle was bored with pretending to be the captain while Xev was bored with the fact that Stanley was the only living man on the ship. Robot head 790 was spouting his usual insults at both because neither was Kai, the frozen corpse-warrior who had been a Divine Assassin for His Divine Shadow before escaping with Stan and the others. Almost on cue, the LEXX itself broke the silence to report a planet.

"Is it inhabited?" Stanley asked.

"I do not know what the word 'inhabited' means, Stanley," the LEXX replied.

"Are there people on it?" Stanley asked.

"On what?" LEXX asked.

"The planet," Stanley said, beginning to sound annoyed.

"Which planet?" LEXX asked.

"The one you just detected," Stanley said, more annoyed than before.

"What about it?" LEXX questioned again.

"Are there people on the planet you just detected, LEXX?" Stanley asked, almost at full annoyance.

"There are not many people on the planet I just detected, Stan," LEXX said.

"Can we go down and visit them?" Xev asked.

"Yes," LEXX answered.

"Well then, come on," Stan said. "Let's get going."

"Shouldn't we at least get Kai before we go?" Xev asked.

"Nah, we don't need him," Stan replied. "After all, the place doesn't have too many people."

"And besides," 790 chimed in, "why should my beautiful Kai risk himself when you two mounds of flesh can go first?"

"Oh, be quiet, you stupid robot head," Stan said angrily. Just then, Kai walked in to assist his shipmates.

"Kai," Xev said gleefully. "What are you doing up?"  
"I had my cryopod set to wake me whenever LEXX detected a planet," Kai replied. "I will attempt to find a place for us to land."

"Searching, Kai," the ship said.

"See, Kai agrees with me," Stan said as a picture of Eustice and Muriel's farm appeared on LEXX's viewer.

"That is where we shall land," Kai said.

"Well then, let's get going," Stan said, as he headed for the Moth bay.

Meanwhile, down on Planet Nowhere, Eustice, Muriel, and Courage the Cowardly Dog were watching the news on the TV.

"Earlier this evening, a strange object has appeared in the sky over Nowhere," the announcer said as a strange picture of LEXX appeared on the TV screen.

"Ah, that guy don't know what he's talking about," Eustice complained. "That's just a big bug."

"I don't know about that," Courage said as an aside.

"Oh, don't be nervous, Courage," Muriel said, calmly. "Eustice is right. It's probably just a big bug."

Courage just got off Muriel's lap and went out on the porch. Before long, the Moth from LEXX came into the dog's view and landed. Courage ran back inside and frantically began trying to describe what he had just seen to his owners.

"There ain't no such thing," Eustice said in his usual tone and went back to reading his paper. A moment later, there was a knock at the door. Both Eustice and Muriel went to see who it was, to find Stan, Kai, Xev and 790 at the door.

"Whattaya want?" Eustice asked.

"We're just here to see if we could work for some food or something," Stan replied.

"Something doesn't seem right here," Courage said, watching from the kitchen door.

"Come in, dears," Muriel said. "Let me get you some dinner."

"What are we having?" Stan asked as he entered with the others.

"Chicken and bananas," Muriel replied.

"Sounds good," Xev said.

"Muriel, how come you never make that for me anymore?" Eusice asked as he watched Stan, Xev and Kai sit down at the kitchen table

"You're allergic to bananas," Muriel said, serving three plates. On each plate was a chicken breast with bananas placed around it in unusual patterns.

"I am not," Eustice argued.

"You are too and you know it," Muriel scolded him.

"I am not, and that's final," Eustice shot back.

"Perhaps sir would like my portion," Kai suggested.

"Are you saying my wife's cooking ain't good enough for you?" Eustice asked angrily.

"I am sure the food is excellent," Kai said. "I do not eat and I don't want to waste the meal."

"Is that why you look sick, young man?" Muriel asked.

"I am not sick, madam," Kai explained as Stan and Xev began eating. "I'm dead."

"Well then, dead man," Eustice said, "you can start working off that food by digging me a new well."

"As you wish," Kai replied and then left to work on the well.

"This is actually very good," Xev commented as she ate.

"Yeah," Stan agreed. "What can the rest of us do in return?"

"You and that head of yours can go get some lumber and build me a new barn," Eustice commanded.

"But how will we get around?" Stan asked.

"Use my truck, you stupid number-four-hat-wearing fool," Eustice insulted.

"I think I could get to like it here," 790 commented.

"I wouldn't mind some help with the dishes," Muriel told Xev.

"Gladly," Xev agreed. When they had finished eating, Xev and Muriel began clearing the table.

"I suppose I'd better go get wood," Stan said.

"Not tonight," Eustice said.

"How come?" Stan asked.

"Lumberyard's closed," Eustice explained.

"Lumberyard?" Stan asked, somewhat confused.

"I think it's a place that has wood," Xev guessed from over by the sink.

"Ah well, if I can't get wood tonight, I may as well at least learn how to drive the truck," Stan said.

"I hope there are no people on foot around here," 790 joked.

"You get to help, smartmouth," Stan scolded the robot head as he picked it up.

"The keys are by the door," Eustice said as Stan headed out.

"Thanks," Stan replied.

"Have fun, dears," Muriel told them as they left.

Meanwhile, Kai was busily working on the new well. As he heaved the pickaxe into the dry soil, he quietly considered his chances of actually finding water. His conclusion was that there was little chance of success.

Back at the truck, Stan and 790 had figured out how to get in and were busy discussing how they might start the vehicle.

"Yes, you idiot, that's the starter key," 790 said.

"I know that," Stan shot back heatedly. "What do I do with it?"

"There should be a slot to stick it in somewhere over there," 790 explained. "I'm not surprised you don't know about that."

"You shut up, robot," Stan said. "Besides, I think I've found it. What now?"

"Stick the long part in the hole and twist it," 790 said, as slyly as he could. Stan tried it and the truck started right up.

"I think one of these pedals down here makes it move," Stan remarked as he put his foot down on the gas. The truck took off and, thanks to Stan's lucky steering, just missed the windmill.

"Who'd have thought you could figure something out for yourself," 790 jeered sarcastically.

"Actually, this is pretty easy," Stan commented. "Especially for a guy with arms and legs."

Back at the house, Xev and Muriel were just finishing the evening dishes.

"This is fun," Xev remarked. "The bubbles feel good."

"I just wish more people would see it that way," Muriel said, directing her comment as much at Eustice as at Xev.

"Bah," Eustice responded. Just then, Stan returned from his attempt at driving, with 790 under his arm.

"How did it go?" Xev asked as Stan sat down.

"Pretty good," Stan replied. "I think I can handle it."

"He's right," 790 agree. "We didn't have as many close calls as I thought we would."

"Well, good," Eustice said. "Tomorrow morning you two can go get the lumber to build my barn."

"Oh, hey, that reminds me," Stan said. "We don't have any sleeping arrangements for the night."

"We do have room in the attic, if that would be OK with you," Muriel said.

"That would be really nice of you," Xev replied.

"Well then, let's go have a look," Muriel said, leading Stan and Xev, who had picked up 790, to the attic room with the computer.

"This is better than going back to the LEXX, anyway," Stan said as he looked around the attic room. Xev put 790 down on the table with the computer

"We can see Kai from here," Xev commented as she watched the Brunen-G from the window. The hole he was digging was about waist deep by this point.

"I'm glad you like it," Muriel said. "I'll be right back with some blankets."

"Thanks," Stan said as Muriel left to get the bedding. "I could get to like it here."

"Me, too," Xev agreed. "It would be nice if there were more plants around, but so far, it's not so bad."

A moment later, Muriel returned with some pillows and blankets for her guests, who were happy to see them.

"Breakfast is half an hour after the rooster crows," Muriel informed her visitors.

"Rooster?" Stan asked.

"You'll know it when you hear it," Muriel explained. "Now, good night, dears."

"You too," Xev replied before heading for a wall to sleep against.

"Yeah, good night," Stan said, trying to be nice before finding his own place to sleep.

To Be Continued...


End file.
